If I am being honest, I am writing this out of necessity to clear my head in a way and help with my own anxiety attack. It is no secret that I have endured trauma (I mentioned that in my previous blog post). Still, I often do not care to admit how much it has affected my everyday life. It has manifested in panic attacks and anxiety to the point some days, I physically can not move out of my bed. Everyone's fear manifests itself differently. For me, it is a physical pain in my back and chest. Honestly it is almost ironic as if the physical abuse was not bad enough I endured wasn't memorable enough.
I know I am not the only person who deals with this type of anxiety. It sucks and unfair, I know. I am not a therapist, so I can not tell you why we suffer the way we do. As much as we should and most time want to go to therapy, the reality, it is too expensive. It is definitely not affordable for me right now. No matter the bullshit commercials about affordable therapy, somehow, these people believe $400 a month is "affordable." But that's another rant I do not have the energy to get into. So I have to make do like most of us and figure out how to keep moving until I can talk to a professional.
Full disclosure, though: I believe therapy should be made more readily available and not bankrupt people. I will make a deal with you. The minute I can find an affordable therapist or have the extra money, I will see one if you do the same when you can afford it. Deal.
In the meantime, between time, I am going to tell you the tricks that I have learned to bring me back grounded again. Now I fully recognize that there are underlying causes. Eventually, I will need a professional to help, but I am broke right now, so I do my best with what I can.
I can not promise that these will work for you, but if you are in the same place I am mentally, then all I can ask is that you try, and hopefully, it gives you a little relief.
I need you first to breathe. In and out.
Breathing sounds clique, but it helps. Exhale, inhale, in and out.
Tell yourself over and over as many times as you need to remind yourself to breathe. If there is one tip I say you need to try, it is this one. Breathe. Inhaling and exhaling until you find yourself with less tension in your body. And then repeat some more, over and over, inhale, exhale, in and out.
You are not alone.
Does anyone know you suffer from this? And if I am the first to know, I am highly honored. Now, when our ready, tell someone else. We are human and not meant to suffer alone. Let someone know of your tiny accomplishments. Before my partner and I got together, only one other person knew I suffered from severe anxiety and panic attacks. She once told me, 'if all you do is text me the small victories to celebrate the small steps, then that is enough." Sometimes all we need is someone who we can tell. They do not have to diagnose or save you; they just are there for you a.
Find your happy place.
I know more cliques, but I'm serious. What is your happy zone on a good day, or where do you feel free in yourself most? It is my patio for me. I am like a plant, and I do better in warmth and sunlight. This is handy because when I start to feel myself drift, I tend to either stand outside or remember my happiness while breathing. Eyes closed, I try to think about warmth and sunlight. I have found that it is hard to focus on the panic or anxious feeling when you are concentrated in happier times or places.
Look on YOUTUBE.
One of the greatest gifts we've been given is Youtube. You will find many different relaxing sounds, videos, motivational talks, Tedtalks, whatever calms your mind. I tend to listen to mediation videos or soothing sounds. Grab your headphones, hide under the covers or in your closet and just listen. Let your mind focus on other people's voices or nature rather than those anxious and panic feelings.
It may seem like I have it all figured out, and I DO NOT!
I am not going to lie to you. It's honestly complicated. But I will say that now I feel like I have a fighting chance to make it through. I hope these tricks give you that same feeling; if not, there are tons of other helpful tricks on the internet.
The other part of my healing is blurting out these thoughts into the internet void; for you, it may be painting or reading; hell, even if you use your medical card, whatever helps with grounding you again. (Yes, I am referring to the devil's lettuce.) There's more than one way to help with anxiety. Try something.
I do ask, please, no hard drugs or turning to harmful practices. People need you, and I need you if you don't have anyone. Who else will read my random rabblings? I am not a therapist, but I am here to help. We are going to get this through together.
If you think I need a coffee (which I could always use) please buy me a coffee here